Dudes and Dudettes!
You gots to check out this youtube link! It will show you how you can download the new Batman movie in it’s entirety. Rough visual effects of course, but awesome nonetheless! Must watch:
Ah Ha! You just got Rick Rolled. I have entrapped you in my web of lies. Now, if you will, allow me to sink my fangs into your flesh, inject you with venom and wrap up your lifeless body for an afternoon snack. Allow me to get on my high horse for a second; a glorious immaculate bejeweled steed with a flowing white mane, not unlike Shadowfax. Oh what a beautiful horse he is, and I shall call him, “Illegal Downloading is Wrong.”
You see there’s been a lot of talk in the media recently about the “entitled generation.” Now, while I feel it’s unfair to generalize an entire generation as lazy narcissistic maniacs, I do see the nuances as to why this title has been bestowed upon me and my fellow millennial brethren. One of these, you guessed it, is their justification for illegal downloads.
My generation seems to think that they are somehow entitled to these free nuggets of entertainment, often stating that they are simply “sticking it to the man.”. Yet knowing that many of them are God-fearing individuals it boggles my mind that they can consciously continue to do indulge in the booty of piratebay.com, or is it .org? I mean, it’s stealing, period. It’s one of the Big 10, people! No, not the lackluster collegiate sports conference; it’s one of those rules that Charlton Heston brought down from the mountain. It’s funny; some of these people are convinced they would melt like the Wicked Witch of the West if they took a sip of Frappuccino, yet they guiltlessly indulge in mass breakage of a religious law embraced by people even beyond the Christian faith.
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| What you think an Illegal Downloader looks like. |
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| But they actually look like this... |
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| ...and this... |
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| ...and this... |
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| ...and even this!!! |
If my smacking of the Bible over your head hasn’t worked yet, or the Mormon Guilt hasn't kicked in (if you happen to be LDS), allow me to make a few more pleas for your eternally damned souls. Because we all know illegal downloaders will be cast off forever and ever and ever with fire and the brimstones and all that jazz:
Uno:
1. I know a lot of you think that when you purchase a piece of entertainment that your money is simply going to some big wig Hollywood fat cat or record executive who swims around in his gold coins like Scrooge McDuck does in his money bin. Sure, the big wigs will make their money, that’s the nature of the beast. Unfortunately your actions are robbing people that make a very modest and humble living. There is a little thing called "royalties" and “residuals.” These are a payout percentage that is allocated to different participants of a production (i.e. talent, writers, etc.) based on the sales/viewership of said production. Every time a person purchases a song or show a royalty/residual fee is given to these peoples. And, mind you, these aren’t’ just going to the Marquee actors and writers. That's right, the guy who played “Prison Inmate #2” is expecting to get royalty/residual checks in the mail so he can pay his rent and feed his kids. Bottom line, your purchase affects a lot of people who depend on that income to live.
Dos:
2. Yeah, sticking it to the Hollywood machine feels good. But you know what else sucks? Big Oil. But you wouldn’t go fill up your tank at a gas station and then take off without paying. Big Pharma sucks. But you wouldn’t shoplift your meds. Suck it up and give in to Capitalism.
Tres:
3. Film and Music are are artistic mediums. Countless hours are put into pre-production, production and post-production. Little people slave away drawing storyboards, doing re-writes, prepping sets, doing effects work, coordinating distribution, and so on. Music, the same. It’s hard work. Illegal downloading would be like you completing an art piece you had meticulously worked on for 18 months, having it ready to submit to the gallery for sale, only to find there were duplicate copies made and distributed for free from a suburb in Toledo. Your original piece never sells, you starve, you die.
Cuatro:
4. Retail sales. Companies need to sell product to make a profit and pay their employees. A process that doesn’t work if people steal.
Cinco:
5. Know the quickest way to get your favorite show cancelled? Illegally download it. The less money a show makes and the fewer viewers it has, the quicker it gets the boot.
Seis:
6. Here’s a practical argument from my brother (a recovering illegal downloader). Illegal downloading often gives you an excess of entertainment options. Paying for it actually makes you more selective about what you watch, which at times may cause you to seek other avenues to direct your mind power.
Now I must apologize for being a Preachy McPreach Face, but I had to get this off my chest. I have thousands of motes and beams in my eye that need pulling out and most of you are better people than I will ever be. In fact if some of you were able to curb the habit of illegal downloading you would probably be taken up into heaven to live with Enoch and company, who probably live a Utopian lifestyle and probably abide by the Law of Consecration. Living there, you will have no need to illegally download because everyone will share of his or her talents freely. Also, under the Enoch regime the film and music industry is wholesome and their creators are simply paid by the smiles of their patrons. It is beautiful. Oh, and Café Rio is free!
So if you want to ever live in Enochville, stop being a big donut and pay for your shiz.
